3.5 stars

Extraordinary and literary mashup of memoir, true crime, legal thriller, psychological thriller, and history exposing the tragedies of child sexual abuse, rape culture, and the coverups of the crimes of athletes. It’s the latter that got me, in spite of not being a fan of either memoir or true crime, to pick up this book, due to having had a near-miss with a famous and viciously arrogant college basketball player who ordered me into his bed and blew a gasket when I said no. I was thankfully saved by other team members. His rage is something I’ll never forget. I was a total stranger to him and yet he felt I was his to do with as he chose.

But then this book became so much more, and had additional personal resonances, though so much less horrific in my case. And the gripping way which it’s all told. And the writing. The personal bravery. The self-awareness.

I have long since discovered that taking some kind of action is a necessary ingredient to trauma recovery. When power is taken from you or someone you love, you must grab some back, even if it’s a small and symbolic act. What a wonderfully huge and literal act the author helped accomplish, restoring not only some of her own power but that of so many others.

Meanwhile, I also have that face. So those reviewers out there who think it’s bullshit, you’re wrong. I think some of us are recognized as safe vessels for secrets once we are keeping a big one of our own.

The author wrote a brutally honest accounting of both her personal experience with and the (unfortunate) lack-of-consequences culture of sport and sexual assault. Well written while gut-punching at the same time.

This book was extremely difficult to read but also beautifully written and devastatingly compelling. I’m going to be thinking about it for a while.

I liked the style of this book a lot. I knew it would follow crime/ a real life investigation which had me sold, but I didn’t realize how much the author’s personal life would be a part of the story and exist parallel to said investigation which I really enjoyed. Naturally so much of this was infuriation, the existence of such events and lack of consequences but it does a beautiful job capturing the accurate complexities.

Great bookclub read!

I appreciate the work that was done, and the author's honesty about her life, but it ran long for me and I skimmed the 2nd half to finish it. I do want to research the case to find out the true identities of those accused, though!