shelfreflectionofficial's reviews
815 reviews

“Look, we’re not a family of psychopaths. Some of us are good, others are bad, and some just unfortunate. Which one am I?”

“One day you’ll realize family isn’t about whose blood runs in your veins, it’s who you’d spill it for.”


This was a fun read!

It is a present-day whodunnit with the principles of the ‘Golden Age’ of mystery novels, aka Agathe Christie and G.K. Chesterton (who I had no idea wrote fiction!). I agree with others who say it has a Knives Out vibe. It is set to be released at some point as a limited series on HBO so depending on how many f-words they feel like adding for ‘stupid’ effect, I might watch it.

This book is a bit unique because it has a narrator, speaking in first person, but deliberately speaking to the reader as if recounting his tale in person. He offers some foreshadowing, but holds himself to the (non-fictional) ‘10 Commandments of Detective Fiction’ that are listed in the front of the book.

I know some are bored by that type of story and prefer the super twisty, unreliable narrator tropes that are popular today. But I definitely appreciate a good mystery that doesn’t rely on lies or supernatural explanations but “plays fair”. [Surprise twins may be my one exception though because sometimes I think that’s figureoutable.]

“They’ve become more about the tricks the author can deploy: what’s up their sleeve instead of what’s in their hand.”

I still vividly remember the cheated feeling I had when I read Gone Girl and found out the ‘twist’ partway through the book.

I like a twist as much as the next person, but I think there is something to admire about an author who writes the clues in and gives the reader the ability to ‘figure it out’ rather than be strung along whiplashed back and forth between big reveal to big reveal.



In ‘Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone’ the narrator is Ernest Cunningham, who writes books about how to write books. He plays our informal detective in the story. Right up front he assures us that the title is not a lie— everyone really has killed someone, including himself.

The book is sectioned off with labels from his different family members (i.e. brother, mother, stepfather, stepsister, etc) and takes a few trips to the past to explain some backstory on that family member.

The main crime, however, is happening in real time as Ernest is at a ski resort in Australia (which I was today years old finding out there is snow in Australia and after reading this and Homecoming, I think my elementary education did a crappy job of really explaining to me what Australia looks like and I’m a smidge bit mad about it) with his whole family. His brother is just getting out of jail and joining them as part of the reunion.

Shortly before his brother arrives a body is found dead in the snow. No one knows who it is and no one is missing from the roster of guests. Of course there is a storm and some difficulty getting up to the resort so Ernest, his family (who are not too keen on police), and the lone police officer are stuck trying to unravel the mystery of the dead man.

“It seemed clear to me: the only way to put my family back together again was to find out which one of them was a killer. Well, we all are— I’ve already told you that. I just mean most recently.”

The body county doesn’t stop at one and the suspect pool narrows.



A few comments on his family that I enjoyed:

“[Ernie and Erin] are practically anagrams. When people used to ask us how we met, we’d say, ‘Alphabetically.’”

Sofia’s Bingo card is exactly something I would do at a family reunion. I also always look into hotel rooms that I pass by when they’re being cleaned.

Michael (his brother) was married to Lucy: “she is a Small Business Owner in the same way Andy (his uncle) is a Feminist, in that she declares it loudly, often, and she’s the only one who believes it.”


Recommendation

I would definitely recommend this book! It has some humor and a fun narrator, which I suppose given the premise makes the humor a bit dark or irreverent. But the writing was clever and compelling and drew me in right away.

I did figure out the killer a little bit before halfway, but it was written in such a way that I wasn’t super confident the entire time that I was right.

There were some parts that were a little hard to follow because the narration asked you to read between the lines and I wasn’t sure I was thinking along the right path. But ultimately that didn’t matter or affect my ability to enjoy the book.

Benjamin Stevenson has another book out called ‘Everyone on This Train is a Suspect’ that I plan to read as well as a Christmas one coming out soon that I have early access to read.



If you WOULD like to read about an entire family of psychopaths, check out the thriller The Family Bones; it’s right up your alley.


[Content Advisory: Not much, if any swearing (I wrote this review too long after I read it to remember for sure); I’m sure if HBO is putting this one out they will add a bunch of content but I don’t remember the book having much to worry about]

For some reason when I started this book I didn’t realize it wasn’t a present-day setting. This is set in the 1900s in Mayfair, London which actually just added to the intrigue because pulling off a heist before the age of technology is a whole different beast.


I’m a fan of the ‘heist’ concept. I enjoyed all the Oceans movies even though to some they felt repetitive. I like the ‘planning’ phase and the ‘executing’ phase. I can picture this book as a movie in that regard.

The mastermind behind the heist in The Housekeepers is the freshly fired main Housekeeper Mrs. King. Having worked in the house for a long time and then running it, she knows all the ins and outs of the interworkings, the staff, and the inventory therein.

This heist is mostly an act of revenge, but possibly something else underlies her motives for seeking to empty the entire house of its contents.

The target go-time is the night of a ball the house’s Mistress is putting on. Imagine all of Mayfair’s elite society packed into a grand house while a team works behind the scenes to remove every painting, tapestry, fork, and chair from the premises to sell on the black market.

This is somewhat of a women-helping-women concept as the main players are all women, each with their own connection to the house. There is a thread of #MeToo in it as well.

I’m not sure I really ever felt a connection to the characters, though. They were hard to picture and keep distinct from one another, except maybe the Janes.

I do like the concept of of housekeepers banding together to pull one over on their employer. Housekeepers are a popular character trope these days, but I think this one is an interesting take. Makes you realize how much the help was trusted and what could happen if they got it in their heads to get what they deserved!


I was a little disappointed in the finished product of this book. I really like the concept and the setting. And I wasn’t expecting or looking for a book that was ‘realistic’ because heist-type situations usually require some imagination. But something about the book just didn’t really deliver.

It may have just been that since I’m so used to seeing this type of story, to read it was a different and harder to picture story. It was also less exciting if you’re not invested in the characters’ success or failure.

I also wasn’t thrilled with the way the lady of the house— Miss De Vries— was portrayed or the other character’s ‘tryst’ with her. It seemed like an unnecessary inclusion that didn’t add to the story in a meaningful way. It could have ended up being some sort of twist, but wasn’t even really that. De Vries’s character felt too one-dimensional and inconsequential for what events were going on around her.


If this became a movie, I’d definitely watch it.

I also think I would read another of Alex Hay’s books— this one is his debut. I think he has a creative mind for writing and I enjoy Victorian England settings in books.

I wouldn’t say this is a must-read, unputdownable book, but overall I still enjoyed it even if it wasn’t quite what I was hoping for. For sure if you like heists, I would give it a try.

[Content Advisory: Not much, if any swearing; one romantic scene between two women, but it’s short and non-descriptive]

“Given my lifelong history of same-sex attraction, you might think my conclusion— that the Bible leaves no room for followers of Jesus to pursue same-sex sexual relationships— makes this short book a tragedy. You might even think this book is an attempt to foster hatefulness toward those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer. But it is not. Instead of urging anybody toward hatred (of themselves or others), I hope instead to point us all to Jesus’ love… I want to sketch a vision from the Bible of deep, joyful, Christ-exalting love between believers of the same sex: not a love that mimics marriage but a no less precious, different kind of love… [My prayer is that] you’ll ultimately find that Jesus is the path to life and love beyond your wildest dreams.”


I start with such a long quote because I think for this book it is essential for readers to know where the author, Rebecca McLaughlin, stands— both in the facts of her position, AND in the heart of her position.

I think a lot of people won’t even try to read this book because they’ve heard it all before or because any sort of dissent to their belief is perceived as hate. I think a lot of people will read this book to get confirmation of their own beliefs.

And I’m not sure if there are many people who are undecided on whether or not to read this book.

But particularly those who would lean towards rejecting this book, or Christians who are feeling more and more drawn to changing their position on same-sex sexual relationships, I would encourage you that this book is for you.

It’s short, barely 100 pages, and could easily be read in a day.

It’s not the most exhaustive book on the topic— see original post for list of other recommended books— but it hits on 10 popular arguments that people, Christian and otherwise, give claiming that the Bible affirms same-sex sexual relationships.

The author is writing to us because she has been there and she currently is there. A place where she experiences same-sex attraction. She tried so hard to read the Bible in a way that affirms her heart’s longing.

She also shares the stories of some of her friends who had their own journeys of struggle and of coming to the Bible to shape it to their needs. But they all came to the conclusion that the Bible is clear in what it teaches.



In a lot of ways that is hard news. No one wants to be told they can’t have what they want.

But in a lot of ways, it is good news. And that’s what I love most about this book (and McLaughlin’s others) is because it’s not a book of ‘no.’ It’s an invitation to the ‘yes’ that the Bible DOES offer.

Sexual relationship is not the pinnacle of human existence, worth, or satisfaction. Our culture rarely deviates from a position of sexual fulfillment and sexual freedom ethic as if that’s our ultimate goal and happiness in life. Even a lot of churches put marriage on a pedestal.

McLaughlin reminds us that Paul and Jesus never had sexual relationships and yet I think we can all agree their lives were pretty fulfilling. She reminds us that in Scripture “married love, parental love, and friendship love are all held up as precious. But only the last kind of love is mandatory.”

Marriage may be a picture of Jesus’s love for the church, but friendships still offer us a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love- “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (Jn 15:12-13)


The strength of this book is being able to articulate clearly in a short number of pages the biblical argument for sex and marriage to be between a man and woman, but also to elevate other kinds of relationships to their rightful place. It assures those with same-sex attraction that they still belong in the church and they still have a place in sharing in and portraying to others the love of Christ.

The claims that she addresses are as follows:

1. Christians should just focus on the gospel of God’s love [meaning it’s a second-tier issue]

2. Jesus was silent on same-sex relationships

3. God’s judgement on Sodom isn’t a judgment on same-sex relationships [Genesis 18]

4. It’s inconsistent to follow the Old Testament on same-sex sex but Not on shellfish [Leviticus; I hear this one all the time]

5. Paul condemns exploitative same-sex relationships, not consensual ones [Romans 1]

6. Paul was condemning Excessive lust, not same-sex sexual orientation

7. The word ‘homosexual’ wasn’t used in Bibles until 1946— it’s a misinterpretation [1 Corinthians 6]

8. The trajectory of the Bible is toward rejecting slavery and affirming same-sex marriage [1 Timothy 1]

9. Unchosen celibacy yields bad fruit

10. A God of love can’t be against relationships of love


“I’ve attempted to articulate each argument carefully, explore why it might seem persuasive, and explain where I think it falls short.”



I won’t write more because at that point, you could have already finished the book instead of my review, but I will say again that this is a worthy read that is concise, straightforward, and honest.

It probably won’t be an easy read for a lot of people, but all good things aren’t always easy.

The call for ALL believers is to treasure Christ and count the cost of following him. We must ALL deny our sinful desires and take up our cross to follow him.

“Following Jesus means being willing to give up everything— even our most treasured hopes, dreams, and relationships... Jesus is the treasure. When we find him, we find our life. And as we give ourselves to Jesus, we will find that we have gained each other too.”

“The Christian call is not to loneliness but to love.”


**Received a copy of this book from The Good Book Company in exchange for an honest review.**

“We want to show Christians that the Bible offers better answers to questions about race, class, gender, sexuality, justice, oppression, and a host of other hot-button issues.”

“The attraction of critical theories for Christians lies in the fact that they grasp an aspect of the truth. The problem lies in the fact that they press this to the point where other truths are marginalized, subverted, or even rejected.”


Critical Dilemma is a fantastic book and resource for all people to better understand what critical theory is and how it has subtly (and not so subtly) pervaded our culture and our own beliefs in ways we may not recognize.

It takes similar paths to the book Cynical Theories, but Shenvi and Sawyer approach from a biblical perspective and explain how entertaining critical-theory-based beliefs can hurt the church and ultimately put one at odds with the teachings of the Bible.

Although it’s written to compare critical theory beliefs with Christian beliefs, this book is not necessarily just for Christians. The authors propose that all readers would benefit from seeing this comparison to better understand what a lot of people believe, to help them identify some of their own discomfort with ‘woke’-ness, and because, whether we realize it or not, a great deal of people in the West have “inherited a distinctly Judeo-Christian way of thinking about identity, value, compassion and justice.”

Shenvi and Sawyer have written this book very carefully, intending (and succeeding) in presenting critical contemporary theory (CCT) fairly and accurately to how they present themselves, quoting at length from the most prominent primary sources and offering disclaimers and caveats where needed. They wrote specifically to be long in scholarship and short on criticism, avoiding oversimplification. You won’t find straw man arguments here, though I’m sure there will be reviewers who still claim this as it is popular to do so.

It is not a politically driven book and they don’t broach the threshold of politics in general. Their concern is a theological one. While many may protest that CCT is simply an analytical tool and no one even knows what critical theory is, let alone purposely tout its principles, in reality, it often functions like a worldview which implies a lot of serious theological issues.

“CCT is rightly viewed as a worldview or metanarrative. It is not a narrow analytic tool. It makes sweeping assumptions about human beings, purpose, lived experience, meaning, morality, knowledge, and identity that inevitably bring it into conflict with Christianity.”


This book is also not a trophy for the anti-woke camp of people that may come to read this thinking they’ll feel triumphant in their woke-bashing tirades. To be clear: Shenvi and Sawyer do not even condone a ‘eat the meat, spit out the bones’ approach to CCT, but the heart of this book is the truth.

And the truth is that CCT is attractive to so many people, including Christians, because it touches on true things. We lose our credibility when we take such staunch stances that we are hesitant to give any ground in places that we should. If you’re confused about what ground that is, you won’t be after reading this book.

No reader should read this book and come away feeling completely justified or free of conviction. These issues are too important to take lightly or with a hard heart.



There is so much information in this book that I cannot do it justice in a book review. I’ll touch on a few things, but to truly grasp the logical string of arguments and the intended path the authors have written to take you on, you must read the book yourself.

The term critical theory along with a whole host of other terms in this category can come with a lot of baggage. The authors take care to be clear in what they are and are not referring to when using certain terminology.

Thus, they have chosen the term ‘critical contemporary theory’ as opposed to just ‘critical theory’ in their book. They identify four main ideas that are housed within this term:

- the social binary

“society is divided into oppressed groups and oppressor groups along lines of race, class, gender, sexuality, physical ability, age, and a growing list of other identity markers”

 “If these claims are to be believed, then the only non-oppressed people in the United States are middle-aged rich, White, heterosexual, cis-gendered, male, able-bodied, non immigrant Christians. Everyone else, upwards of 95% of the US population, is oppressed in some way.”

(Important here is the discussion on intersectionality and how various markers play into someone’s identity and status as oppressed or oppressor)

- hegemonic power

“‘The dominant group maintains power by imposing their ideology on everyone… ideology refers to the stories, myths, explanations, definitions, and rationalizations that are used to justify inequality between the dominant and the minoritized groups… the minoritized group accepts their lower position in society because they come to accept the rationalizations for it…’” (Robin DeAngelo)

(Also referenced in this section is the myth of meritocracy, and how hegemony plays into heternormativity and ableism)

- lived experience

“Lived experience gives oppressed people special access to truths about their oppression. Therefore, they have the innate authority to speak to these truths, and people from oppressor groups should defer to their knowledge.”

 “ [CCT believes] Knowledge is socially constructed; it is generated by particular groups working in particular cultures and therefore reflects the particular conditions of the society that produced it.”

(Also referenced in this section are standpoint theory, false consciousness, and microaggressions)

- social justice

“Social justice is principally concerned with the emancipation of marginalized groups out of structural domination, out of oppressive societal systems and institutions… Social justice advocates are concerned about power: who has it, who doesn’t, and why. They use this knowledge to effect social change.”

(They are careful to communicate the different ways this term is used/meant; also referenced in this section is equality vs equity, discrimination vs disparities)


The book is divided into three parts: Understanding, Critiquing, and Engaging.

The chapters within ‘Understanding’ give a run-down of history in terms of slavery and racism, as well as talking about the scholars who have shaped CCT over the years. Then they look at both Critical Race Theory and Queer Theory and what their tenets, central ideas, definitions, and goals are. They wrap-up by identifying the positive things or the ‘truths’ that hide within these concepts.

The chapters within ‘Critiquing’ spend some time looking at Christian Protestant Theology so we know what beliefs we are comparing to. There is a brief disclaimer on what is meant by ‘evangelical’ because these days that term can mean a lot of very different things (don’t even get Kristen Kobes Du Mez started on this…). Then they look at the problems with CCT as a whole, and then with Critical Race Theory and Queer Theory individually. They also tackle the concept of ‘ancestral guilt’ and whether white people as a whole can be (socially or otherwise) ‘charged’ with the sins of our ancestors in terms of racial discrimination and slavery.

The chapters within ‘Engaging’ take everything talked about thus far and then explain how it affects the church body and the unity of God’s people. They include a list of ideas that “will devastate your church.” [i.e. the idea ‘straight white men need to listen’ hurts the church because lived experience becomes the arbiter of truth rather than the gospel and hinders the church’s ability to shepherd their church and offer theological discernment.] Then, unlike a lot of books, they present the reader with a path forward. Action steps to take to have better dialogue, deeper contemplation, and actually do something helpful as an individual and as a church.



An important point the authors make, which is central to any discussion really, is about how we identify what is true.

“Every truth claim must be evaluated on the basis of whether it corresponds to reality and not on the basis of the identity of the person making the claim.”

That goes for people on all sides of these worldviews. We don’t just outright reject any claim made by a ‘woke’ person just because of who they are. That is not how open and honest dialogue happens.

“Christians cannot be so opposed to contemporary critical theory that they deny true claims simply because they sound woke. Not only will that tendency make us liable to the criticism that we value our tribe more than the truth, it will warp our perception of reality.”

So they identify several ‘affirmations’ of critical social theory, things they ‘get right.’ I won’t list all of them but some of them include: “Race is a social construct”; “Colorblindness is not the best approach to racism”; “Some aspects of gender expression or gender roles are socially constructed”; “Hegemonic power exists”; and “Unjust systems can exist.”

“We should be self-critical, open to correction, and willing to grant the valid points that critical social theorists make. We can do all this while being absolutely clear about contemporary critical theory’s many errors and its fundamental incompatibility with Christianity.”



There are many ways in which CCT diverges from Christianity.

Christians operate from a lot of moral or basic norms, but we receive these boundaries or norms by God who is our authority for morality and truth. The idea of lived experience promoting one voice over another in terms of what is true usurps the Bible’s role as final authority in our lives.

Christians identify humanity’s primary problem and that problem’s solution very differently than CCT.

In short, CCT says the main problem in the world is oppression. The solution to that problem is liberating marginalized people from that oppression.

As Christians, we know that the main problem in the world is sin. This sin and rebellion to God actually unifies humanity. We also know that the only solution for this problem is a Savior. Jesus died to pay the cost of our sin, freeing us from the bondage of our sin and making a way for people from all tribes and tongues to spend eternity unified with a holy God in heaven.

Sin manifests itself in oppression and injustice. But if we misidentify the problem, we misidentify solutions, and then we aren’t really helping anyone.



I like how Shenvi and Sawyer point out the logical inconsistency of picking and choosing parts of critical theory to promote. But they demand that all of these pieces (CCT, CRT, Queer Theory) are interlocking pieces to the puzzle. They require dependence on each other.

This is why ‘eat the meat, spit out the bones’ is not a valid method of interacting with critical theory. I was a little taken aback at this claim by the authors because this method made sense to me as Mama Bear Apologetics used it. But as they laid out their arguments here, I understand their adamancy for Christians to reject CCT.

They change the analogy from eating the meat and spitting out the bones to saying the meat we’re starting with is poisoned and one can’t simply spit out the poison.

“Telling an unprepared Christian to eat the meat and spit out the bones of CRT is like handing your kids a bowl of Skittles mixed with colorful cyanide pills. While it is possible to separate the poison from the candy, no responsible parent would take that chance.”



More and more I feel like so many Christians are ill-equipped to navigate the cultural minefield of morality and social and sexual ethics. Because the best lies have an element of truth. But a half-truth is still a lie. Even if there are elements of truth to the CCT worldview, we are not wrong to reject it. Those truths will not get lost. Those truths still reside under the umbrella of Christianity (God’s Truth) where we must plant our feet.

This book is an essential resource to help people understand that which is hiding in plain sight, that which masquerades as ‘no big deal’ or ‘no one really thinks that’ but in reality is everywhere.

“The average person in your church is not being influenced by the law reviews of Kimberle Crenshaw or the postructuralist theorizing of Michel Foucault. Instead, they’re being influenced by the tweets of their favorite lifestyle blogger or last night’s monologue from The Daily Show. The ideas of contemporary critical theory are absorbed via platitudes and slogans that gain the status of conventional wisdom through repetition, not through careful analysis.”

They spend time going through 8 of these ‘slogans’ that have become popular and normalized. This section may be helpful for some readers to identify areas they have begun to compromise God’s Word and Truth.



There are many takeaways from this book, but one of the main ones is to consider the beliefs of CCT and how they would play out in the church. Think about whether they would unify or divide.

“CRT can lead Blacks to be suspicious of Whites as a matter of rule, believing that every White person has an asterisk beside them signaling they cannot be fully trusted. It can lead Whites to be suspicious that Blacks are always thinking negatively about them. It can lead Blacks to feel hyper-visible in every situation, believing that they are constantly being judged. It can lead Whites to think they always have to approach Blacks with kid gloves lest anyone get offended.”

The authors hit on a lot of the feelings and struggles that I’ve had surrounding these topics. As a follower of Christ, I know my charge is to love all people because we are all created in God’s image. And it’s hard to walk that path when the definition of ‘love’ or what is ‘loving’ differs so drastically from one person to the next.

It’s hard when we’re being bombarded with accusations, admonitions, protests, boycotts, labels, assumptions, and the like. When we speak, we are wrong; when we are silent, we are wrong; when we lament about those two things, we’re not understanding. It’s complex and unstable.

I want to be sensitive to the unique hardships others have endured that I have never and might never experience. But the way these issues are handled these days really forces people’s hands to choose between two things they don’t actually have to.

We can uphold God’s Word AND love others.

“The notion that someone can disagree with another’s ideas and/or behavior and at the same time genuinely care about their person and flourishing is real.”

“Biblical love is always rooted in reality.”

“It is doubtlessly true that some Christians are, in fact, bigoted in the traditional sense, meaning that they have a deep-seated, immovable sinful antagonism toward some specific group of people. However, it’s also true that we can uphold a traditional biblical sexual ethic not out of hatred or fear, but because we recognize that God’s design for everything, including gender and sexuality, is good. Any rejection of this design will dishonor our Creator and will ultimately hurt human beings.”

It is essential for the church to not play into culture’s false dichotomy of God’s Word vs loving people. Reflection and examination and repentance are also essential, but when we discern the truth, we need to hold fast to it, not with our backs turned away from those who disagree, but facing them with the invitation to join us because we genuinely care for them.


Recommendation

I’ve read a lot of books on these topics, some Christian, some secular, and this is one of the longer ones, but it is one of the best ones. The writing voice is clear, logical, compassionate, and focused. The authors don’t make sweeping statements that are hard to defend. They carefully address specific claims in an intellectually honest way.

[Many of the books they reference in their book are ones that I’ve read. I’ve included a list with links as well as bunch more quotes from the book in my original review post]

These topics are complex and often delicate because behind the ideologies are real people with real hurts. The authors take care to take on ideas, not destroy people. But because culture has tried to attach these ideas to people as identities and core facets of themselves, it is undoubtedly going to still cause some emotions for a lot of readers because they can’t help but feel personally attacked.

I hope that readers can hear the compassion in the voices of the authors and know that their heart is for truth and for people. Because those are the only two things on this earth that will last forever. It is not a destructive book to tear everything down. It is a book to offer honest critique to public ideas and help people understand a complex and manipulative worldview that influences a lot of people and by default, society at large.

You may want to just ignore all of this ‘critical theory stuff’ or you may just be angry that someone would even think to write this book. But I urge you to read it and consider what Shenvi and Sawyer have to say.

I’ll leave you with these two quotes that capture their heart for kindness and truth and the urgency for the gospel message.

“Too many of us in the anti-woke camps are attempting to perform open-heart surgery with a hand grenade rather than a scalpel. If we sweep harmless or even valid ideas into the trash bin, it will damage our credibility. And it should go without saying that if we throw around the ‘heretic’ label carelessly, we will not only be taken less seriously, but we will be guilty of a grievous sin.”

“The solution is not to divide the body of Christ into the Woke and the Anti-woke! The solution is to call everyone back to Scripture— to tell a better story, the old, old story of Christ’s love for sinners and his redemption of people from every tribe, and nation, and tongue… if we lose the gospel, we lose everything.”


*Received a copy of this book from Harvest House Publishing in exchange for an honest review*

“It seems to me that being a performer is the only job where you are both the car and the billboard advertising it.”


I am a big Lauren Graham fan. I loved Gilmore Girls and Parenthood.

I’ve also read her book, Talking As Fast As I Can, and enjoyed that as well.

That being said, I’m not sure if this book did a whole lot for me. I think if I had done the audio book that probably would have enhanced the experience a bit because a lot of Graham’s humor is in her delivery.

It was definitely a hodgepodge of stories. I’m not sure I could identify a unifying thread throughout the book except maybe lamenting the struggles of staying relevant and meeting the spoken and unspoken standards of Hollywood.

Reading memoirs/essays from celebrities is always an interesting phenomenon. As an everyday reader we read for conflicting purposes. We read to both see the commonalities we have with celebrities— they’re just like us!— and also to get the scoop on what it’s like to be famous and be in the circles of the wealthy and well-known— we’ll never see it firsthand!


There really wasn’t much ‘gossip’ in this book. Lauren seems to abide pretty loyally to the actor code of not spilling other people’s secrets or exposing their bad sides or personal preferences. There also isn’t any behind-the-scenes look into her specific shows other than a list of things every aspiring actor should know (in her chapter Actor-y Factory) and a chapter (Red Hat, Blue Hat) where she lists a bunch of things a director should know.

It seems like throughout this book she is wrestling with the concepts of what’s really important in life, but also with doing what you have to do to land jobs as an actor.



I think one such pondering that resonated most with me was when she contemplated what lies she was willing to tell. I was surprisingly surprised to find out that a lot of the stories celebrities tell on late night talk shows are fabricated. When Lauren was going on one and had a specific story to tell she was told to change one of the details of the story because they thought it would land the joke/story better.

She pondered, “Is the most important thing to tell the truth, or to tell the truth that will make the audience happy, or to tell another truth entirely, and does it matter if you— the audience— know which truth I’m telling?”

Personally, I’m a fan of the truth. But at the same time I recognize the nature of show business and needing to create something that is enjoyed by the audience. We’ve all watched something we didn’t like. Whether we realize it or not, we’re part of an audience that is creating a market for a specific kind of entertainment and we apparently have high standards.

Would I rather have the true stories that aren’t as funny because they actually happened?

I can imagine it is difficult to maintain a moral code while also trying to ‘make it’ in Hollywood where everything is so specifically curated and no one really has a right to anything unless they are an A-lister.

I appreciate that Lauren Graham seems to care about the truth and desires to be authentic.



I think the chapter that resonated with me the least was the Mochi chapter. Because it’s stressful for me to listen to people spontaneously getting dogs and assuming it’s an easy ‘add’ to their life when in reality it makes no sense for them to have a dog and now they have this thing that ties them to a place alllll the time, messes with their schedule, costs them money, ruins their house, etc. It’s great to have pets— I loved them when I was a kid— but now as an adult, I’m far more realistic on what it takes to have a pet and I hate when people dive in without actual consideration for what it means to have a pet.



I guess it’s a bit strange but I think the parts that stood out the most to me were the ‘serious’ parts more than the funny parts. This group of essays is about telling a few stories but then connecting it to something deeper and more meaningful. I do like this way of writing even though I opened the book for the laughs.



Recommendation:

This is a super fast read, so if you like Lauren Graham, I would say to give it a shot. Even if it’s not a favorite book, it’s not a big commitment to possibly glean some snippet that resonates with you in a different way than it did for me.

Also- probably would recommend the audio book version if you can. (To be honest- I’ve never actually done an audio book but if I were to ever try it, I think it would be for memoirs/nonfiction first.)

Even if this wasn’t my favorite book of hers, I still enjoy her as an actress and will probably continue to watch her shows/movies and read her books.

It was not a hard book to have squozen into my day.


[Content Advisory: there is a chapter about boobs; I can’t really remember if there was any swearing or other sexual content or drug references, if there were it was pretty minimal]

My seven-year-old daughter is reading chapter books so I wanted to get her into a series that I wouldn’t really have to worry about the content.

I ended up reading this one out loud to my 4-year-old daughter when my oldest finished. She loved it! It probably helped that it had a unicorn. The main character is named Lily and I find her often pretending to be Lily when she plays house.

This was my first long read-aloud. I’m not sure it was the best for 4-year-olds. I think there are quite a few words in there that she wouldn’t know what they mean. She was still able to get into the story and understand what was happening but some sentences were a mouthful.

I realize I am not really an auditory processor. When I’m the one reading out loud it’s hard for me to stay focused on the story. It’s not my preferred method. I read out loud slower than when I read to myself and I was reading shorter chunks of the story and going days in between readings while I waited for my daughter’s attention span to be ready to sit and listen. [We started back in March to give you an idea of how long it took us. I’m sure most can get through it quite a bit faster, especially if you read a little every day.]

That being said, it’s hard for me to review the overall cohesiveness and feel of the story since I read it disjointedly and distracted.

Instead, I can tell you that my daughters both enjoyed it! My oldest was begging me to get the next book in the series and I finally did get around to getting the next two for her to read.

They loved the magical aspects of the story and the bravery of Lily. There were a lot of perilous situations and life-threatening moments that I wondered might be too scary for my 4-year-old, but she didn’t seem bothered by it. It made it more exciting for her.

Plus this series is about hope so I believe there will always be happy endings.



The basic premise of the story:

Lily is 12 and had recently lost her dad while he was on a business trip. One day at school during an encounter with a bully Lily sees a character from another world, she had somehow ‘called’ to rescue the kid being bullied. She then finds herself in the Realm— a fantasy world filled with conjurings from human imaginations.

She is in possession of her father’s soothstone which gives her special creating powers. But in this Realm, and partly in her world, stewards (stone-holders) are being hunted by shrouds who are part of Eymah, the bad guy’s, army.

Along with her creature friends (Cedric the Dragon, Rigel the silvery bird, and Flint the fire-starter) Lily goes on an adventurous quest over the Cascades, beyond Castle Iridyll, across the Desert of the Forgotten, through the Petrified Forest and down into the Catacombs to help protect the other stewards and the good guys of the Realm from Eymah, but also to search for her dad who she speculates may not actually be dead.



There is some spiritual allegory in this story. The unicorn is Pax and seems to be a Savior character. Eymah seems to be a Satan character loose in the Realm. Though I’m not sure where the series will continue to go because Eymah seems to be destroyed by the end of the first book.

The theme of redemption runs through the story as both Adam and Cedric experience some sort of transformation from ‘bad’ to ‘good.’ Cedric has been ashamed of being a dragon, whose kind has done a lot of evil things, and desires to be different than other dragons. By the end he no longer has the ‘bad blood’ of dragons but is good on the inside.

Lily not only can create using her imagination with the soothstone, but she can also call on the help of Pax, the Unicorn. So when she is in danger and all seems to be lost she essentially prays and asks for help. We see Pax coming to her aid, but it seems like for the most part the connection is between Pax and her— not so much the others with her.

There aren’t a lot of overt Christian things or dialogue so I’m interested to see what else shows up in this series. That being said, I think a lot of readers may read this series and not even make the allegorical connections as intended by the writer.


There is a map in the front detailing the Realm which is a nice visual for readers. There aren’t illustrations in this book, but there are little images on the first page of each chapter. Those were nice for my four-year old who still prefers picture books. It helped keep her attention from chapter to chapter.



Recommendation:

Though I can’t speak on behalf of the entire series yet, from what I know thus far this is a great series for kids to read that you can be assured knowing there is no questionable content but has a theme of good triumphing over evil, highlights friendships, sacrifice, love, and redemption.

It is a good option for a read-aloud if your kids have the attention span for it.

There are some harder words but my seven-year-old read the whole book without really asking what words mean so either she knew them or they weren’t detracting from her ability to understand the story.

I think I will continue to read the next one aloud, but will probably strive to read one chapter a day to maintain more cohesiveness in the storyline for us.


[Content Advisory for kids: lots of perilous situations, loss of a parent, bullying, no swearing or using God’s name in vain]

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**Received an ARC via Tyndale House Publishing in exchange for an honest review** 

This book reads like a movie! Non-stop action, art forgery, heists, treasure hunts, chase scenes, and corruption.

Mann did a great job writing this book and creating a unique band of characters that I can also picture portrayed in a blockbuster movie. This book is part of a series and I’m excited to see what comes next!



The plot of this book revolves around two friends— Sophie and Lise— who together run an art gallery and a side, secret business where Sophie acts as an artist version of Robin Hood:

“She wasn’t a thief. Thieves stole things for their own gain. She replaced previously stolen artwork with expertly forged copies and returned the originals to their rightful owners.”

All of that comes to a halt when Lise’s late mother sends her a painting (1 of 3) that had been missing for 40 years. The painting was of a queen and her twin children, all three of which had died in a car accident around the same time the paintings disappeared. (Reminiscent of Princess Diana and her popularity in the public and then her tragic car accident)

The surprising appearance of the painting and the clues it supposedly holds to a treasure brings out all kinds of people out of the woodwork trying to get their hands on the priceless paintings:

including-

- Laszlo who is forced to recover the paintings for an unknown employer in order to save his family’s lives.

- Mac who is hired by the royal Prince himself to recover the portraits of his wife and children and find out more about the supposed accidental car accident. He becomes intrigued, enamored, and suspicious of Sophie and she becomes his little project as he deduces she must be at the center of everything.

The second plot thread revolves around Lise’s work for an organization who helps women and children. She spends a lot of time aiding the homeless encampments nearby and discovers that men are raiding these camps periodically and taking away specific looking women never to be seen again. She is determined to find out what is going on and rescue these girls from potential human trafficking.

Lise ends up getting kidnapped and Sophie is left to figure out what is going on, if the two threads are related, and to try and save her friend before the worst happens.



This book is labeled a ‘Speranza novel.’ Speranza means ‘hope,’ and is the name of a group of people with special skills who have committed to helping women and children in need.

I thought this was a really cool idea. The book begins with a prologue that takes place in 1750 showing a woman helping some captive girls escape. So this group functions a little like the historic freemasons ‘club’ in that it is widespread and secret; this particular group could also be related to the teams of people in the Oceans movies.

Members (mostly women) are identified by the speranza emblem of an anchor and a feather (“hope is an anchor for the soul”) and are willing to sacrifice to help the vulnerable— women and children— who are too often taken advantage of.

While this particular book focuses on Sophie and Lise and their encounter with the Speranza group, the series could easily focus on the ‘origin story’ of any of its core members. It provides this series with a lot of depth and avenues to take in the future.



So I liked the ‘historic group of women helping women’ aspect. I also liked the setting of this book. Mann moves the characters from Munich and Cologne, Germany to Venice. The European scenes fit nicely with the art theme and allowed for the conspiracy revolving around the royal family of Neuhansberg (fictional).

I’ve wanted to visit Venice and watch people paint, and this book re-affirmed that for me!

The art theme was fun for me (an art major). Sophie’s character reminded me a bit of Neil on White Collar as he is also a painter with forging capabilities and a loose loyalty to the law.



My main critique of this book was of the things that got a little lost:

The beginning scene draws you into the story immediately and sets the mood, but then it is pretty inconsequential to the story as a whole and not revisited in any capacity. I was hoping for a deeper connection to that night later in the book but didn’t get it.

In the end when everything culminates and the confrontations occur, I felt like we didn’t get enough explanation for everything that happened. The bad guys get caught and then we get an epilogue that takes place two months later. I would have liked more understanding on what was going on with the taken girls and for what purpose.

I wanted more info on the car accident years ago. Mac is evidently looking into that, and when he finds the car he takes lots of pictures, but then we never go back to that night to know what exactly happened or what he was supposed to have discovered about the hidden car wreckage.

This book read fast and I would have easily read 20 or more pages to get some more information.

One more tiny critique: the Speranza group really relies on secrecy and confidentiality. When Sophie demands information and they need to swear her to secrecy they say ‘Do you swear on Lise’s life?’ and she says yes. And then they divulge everything…

For one—that was too easy! For two— why would she swear on Lise’s life if the Speranza group is also trying to help Lise? Swearing on someone’s life is a silly way to assure confidentiality plus what does it even mean?! There should have been a better process for vetting people and bringing them in then saying- promise? Okay we believe you.



So where is this series headed?

I’m not sure, but like I mentioned before, there are a lot of options.

The romance in this book was pretty light. Some flirting/kissing between Mac and Sophie with hints that their relationship is just beginning, but they can’t really trust each other right now. That could be developed in future books.

I also think that Sophie’s parents’ death could become another part of a future story. They were CIA agents and Sophie wishes she knew more about their lives and their death. I think it would be cool if a future book had a mission connected to that history that brings Sophie more closure about them.

And I think we will find out more about the other Speranza members’ histories and backgrounds and what brought them into the secret group.



One last comment. Lise’s mother’s name is Irmgard. And I could not read that name in my head without picturing Jimmy Fallon saying ‘Ermahgerd!’ Every time. I think Mann should have found a different name.

Okay, I just looked it up and the name means ‘universal protection’ so I guess it’s a fitting name but it’s literally impossible for me not to say it the Fallon way.



Recommendation:

I would definitely recommend this book! There’s nothing boring about it. It’s got action, variety of good characters, cool setting, mystery, and a heart for helping the vulnerable and disadvantaged.

It is a Christian fiction, but I wouldn’t let that keep you away if you’re not used to reading that genre. Other than a clue on the painting and the overall message of hope, there really isn’t much overt ‘Christian’-stuff/talk to the book.

It’s a clean book with moral characters. It is a book people of all walks of life can enjoy even if they don’t ascribe to the Christian faith.

This is a series I plan to continue to read and I think you should too!


[Content Advisory: no swearing or sexual content]


**Received an ARC via Tyndale House Publishing in exchange for an honest review**

“‘You think keeping us safe means walking inside the lines. But I have news for you. The lines aren’t keeping us safe. They're keeping us locked up.’”


Kill Her Twice is a murder mystery set in Los Angeles circa 1930s. It’s not a book you pick up just for the mystery, but it has a unique offering of mystery, Chinese culture and their struggles in America, family dynamics, and an Old Time Hollywood setting.

These things converge in an enjoyable, albeit a little slow, read that gives a lot of avenues for discussion.



The basic premise is this:

A rising Hollywood star, Lulu Wong, is found dead in the horse stables of Chinatown. Cause of death is unknown but many signs point to murder.

“Lulu had been the pride of Chinatown. And now she was its deepest sorrow.”

Chinatown is on the verge of being dozed for a new rail station and this kind of publicity is sure to turn the tides further out of their favor.

“A whole world of sights, smells, and sounds would vanish, and who would miss us? No one. They’d just be glad to see us go.”

Sisters May and Gemma, afraid the police won’t do the work to find the truth because of social perception of Chinese Americans, decide to take the investigation into their own hands to find justice for their friend and clear Chinatown of this stain on their name.

“Lulu’s wealth and fame would give the investigation a push. But for how long and how far? In the end, she was just a dead Chinese woman, without even a father to speak for her. Would she matter enough?”



A big part of the story is the family dynamics of the Wong family. The story is told in alternating POVs of May (the oldest sister) and Gemma (the middle sister), but there is also a third sister, Peony, and another baby on the way.

The sisters’ bond reminded me a little bit of the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. They still have both parents but because their dad is at a sanatorium, the home is currently a one-parent home, causing the sisters to be bonded in a close way and to be picking up extra responsibilities for their family and taking care of their mom.

There is a decent amount of character development with May and Gemma. They both have the stereotypical personalities of a first born and a middle child. May is the responsible, sensible, rule-follower and people-pleaser. Gemma is the outspoken, bold do-what-you-gotta-do-even-if-it-breaks-some-rules action-taker: “Life gave us plenty of opportunities to be afraid, and an equal number of chances to punch those fears in the nose.”

“If the family was a dragon, Ba was the head, providing direction; Ma, the body, connecting all the parts; and May, the wings, helping us fly the course. I was the tail. Though the wings thought they were in control, it was really the tail that steered. The tail was also capable of striking on its own.”

In their attempt to find Lulu’s killer they need both personalities to navigate this dangerous unknown territory, still occupied by the killer. But they also learn from their mistakes and channel the other sister’s tendencies at various times to pursue justice.

I liked the family bond and that even though their dad was away, he was still leading their family and his family still loved and respected him, wanting to honor him and help take care of their family.



If you’re wondering why the title is ‘Kill Her Twice’ here is a quote from the book:

“It was bad enough that someone had killed her… A second death would come in the form of scandal, her twisted body held up for viewing like some circus sideshow, her fame recast as a cautionary tale. They would kill her twice.”

Another theme in the book is the exploration of the perception of the Chinese people during this time in the United States, particularly LA and Chinatown and Hollywood.

Her second death was the perpetuation of the negativity surrounding Chinese Americans and prejudice against their culture.

In the 1840s, the Chinese immigrants came to the US— the first Asian immigrants. They took on a lot of labor jobs, including helping build the transcontinental railroad. Perception of them in America turned negative and many laws were created out of that prejudice making life in America more challenging for them.

The 1930s was actually a turning point for the Chinese in a lot of areas of the US as they made considerable effort to become more involved in politics and wanting to vote and pushing for change.

Lee says Lulu’s character is loosely inspired by Anna Mae Wong (1905-1961): “considered the first Chinese American Hollywood movie star, whose career, spanning forty years in silent film, talkies, radio, stage, and television, had been largely unrecognized until recently.”

We know the influence Hollywood has on shaping cultural perception of any number of topics, ideas, and people for better or worse. Their portrayal of Chinese Americans in the 30s was usually negative. They were the villains, the cheats, the thieves, and Hollywood played up the Chinese stereotypes. Often white people played Asian characters and taped their eyes to be slanted. This portrayal is mentioned in Kill Her Twice.

Lulu’s fame came on the villainous roles she took, but what might have played into her murder was her newest film in which she would be the heroine and pushed for scenes and dialogue that was generally outlawed.

Just as Hollywood can shape perception negatively, it can shift and shine a positive light and Lulu was striking out, trying to show America the values, principles, and skills of the Chinese people from the stage.



I learned a lot about the Chinese culture and about the struggles they faced during that time period. It is not something I have read much about so I enjoyed the insights into that.


I will say that this story took place during the Great Depression, but I didn’t really get any sense of that while reading. There was some talk of needing to make money, but it was very different vibe than what I’ve read with other Great Depression era stories.

I don’t know enough about the Great Depression to know if Hollywood was hit differently than other parts of the country.

It seems weird that people were still able to buy flowers during this time or host big parties— even for the wealthy. Weren’t they experiencing financial strain as well?

I’m also not sure how the Wong family was able to afford to send their dad to a sanatorium for so long! I don’t know how those things work or what it costs, but it seems like a big expense and not one that would be waived for Chinese people at that time.

I suppose Lee was more trying to focus on the Chinese American struggle rather than the Great Depression struggle, but it would have been interesting to see more interaction between both with that of the Chinese community and the Hollywood elite.



I have not read any other Stacey Lee books, but I would look into them after reading this one. It was written more for YA, which was fine because that meant it was a cleaner read.

I thought it was a bit too slow-going. It seemed like it took forever to develop clues and lines of investigating. We didn’t really make much significant progress until about the last 20% of the book and then all of a sudden things came together and it was solved pretty abruptly.

I didn’t guess who the killer was because Lee did a good job of creating suspicious characters and red herrings along the way. However, the downside of that is that it didn’t really feel like a case that the reader really could have figured out very early because we got so few clues and even the ones we did get we weren’t sure of their significance.

I think it would have been better with a more aggressive handling of the investigation throughout the story. But that’s me who tends to read stories more for the thrills and mysteries than the other aspects.



Because of the abrupt ending and quick wrap-up, I feel like there were several things that didn’t really get resolved!

Like: what about the script-stealing and the ‘You’re next!’ that was written on May’s script? Did we ever really find out who did those things and why?

Or Lulu’s Cadillac? We know who got ownership of it, but it seemed a bit shady and we never really found out if that was proper or not.

And then several reviewers have lamented the lack of romantic resolution at the end as well. I can see their disappointment. The romance areas of the book fleshed out the character development a little bit and provided new avenues to take the plot, but it felt like that thread of story fizzled out a bit by the end and didn’t give us much to go on.



Recommendation:

If you only like to read stories for the mystery or the thrill of it, this book may be a little disappointing or slow for you.

But if you enjoy the historical fiction aspect of the book and diving into new cultures, the combination of themes provided in this book is a nice mix for a reader who doesn’t need constant action.

There were a few things I would change with the pacing and the ending, but overall I enjoyed this book and would be interested in reading more from Stacey Lee.


[Content Advisory: no swearing or sexual content]

**Received an ARC via NetGalley**

“To date, my performance was an obvious one star. Could be worse, but only as a result of gross incompetence.”


This was a bit of an odd duck of a book.

It is my first Brandon Sanderson one so I am not sure, but I get the feeling this may be a bit divergent from his typical work in terms of tone.


So here’s the sitch.

‘You’re a wizard, Harry!’

Just kidding. Wrong book.

Picture this instead: infinite other dimensions that you can purchase for yourself and can access at your will that will be versions of Medieval England.

“Your life isn’t unremarkable. You are merely living in the wrong time. Embrace your destiny— whether it be to bring Promethean light or exert relentless domination— and travel the dimensions.”

Now, as you can imagine, such an endeavor seems pricey, but fear not! There are FRUGAL ways of horizontal time travel. They are all outlined in the handy-book written by Cecil G. Bagsowrth III which is what this book is named after.

Do be aware though, that this handbook will not, in any meaningful way, help you survive whatever you may encounter. It will just scare you into all the upgrades as good marketing is meant to do.

“One star. Barf up some alphabet soup, and you might create a more useful text.”

Now picture this: You haven’t bought a dimension but you find yourself exploded into one with no memory of who you are, why you’re there, or what’s happening. And there are marauding Vikings, wights, skops, boasts, and no internet. Pretty vivid imagery, right?

That’s the premise of this book and the predicament of our main character, John West, who is a combination of 10% Adam West, 10% John Wayne, and 80% Peter Quill. (But he does have nanobots that make him nearly invincible which always helps when you’re not down the road from a hospital or even a Walgreens.)

“I’d woken up in the middle of a burning field. The review almost wrote itself. An ideal experience, if you happen to be a pyromaniac cow. One star.”



I think my favorite part of the book were John’s inner reviews of various things he was experiencing.

“Was that a clue to who I was? Some kind of… reviewer?”

[As a reviewer myself, this was truly inspiring.]

“Five stars. Hiding place sufficient, despite the lack of trees.”

“Four and a half stars. Might be better with puppets.”

“that guy could be profound. And depressing. Five stars. Should be narrating documentaries about disasters like Chernobyl. Or my love life.”

As a potential tourist to interdimensional travel, it definitely helped me make the decision to throw away my brochure and be content with living vicariously through him instead.



Thrown into this warring era, with some of his coworkers that are total monsters (can I get an amen?), John eventually ascertains the full dilemma he finds himself in:

“These poor people, crushed between forest and ocean, with a god that didn’t like them and an evil mobster from the future looking to dominate them. It was like the rock and the hard place had been joined by a bulldozer and a jackhammer.”



This book had the easiest character development a writer could wish for. He literally has no idea who he is so there’s only one direction to go.

It was a radical transformation from shockingly oblivious to powerfully self-aware and we got to watch every devastating blow as John Adam West Wayne goes from realizing the depth of his cowardice to deciding he can be the nanobot hero this dimension never asked for, is actually killed by, but also desperately needs.

“Turns out, even a coward can save the world. So long as you leave him with no other options.”

“I was moving toward something I believed in, rather than away from what I feared.”

And this moving scene:

“‘I’ve learned to fear someone else more than I do you.’
He frowned. ‘Who?’
'The man… I used to be.’”

(And yes, right after he says this with that heroic Chris Pratt-like scowl he crushes something like a boss and 80s rock music ensues.)



You may be wondering— but where are the wizards?! And are they always frugal?!

This is also the cool part of the story. Anyone who lives in the present can go back in time and be a wizard. Not with magic…

“While modern pop culture has co-opted the term to evoke the image of long beards, pointy hats, and the occasional bescarred boy with a wand, in ancient times it wasn’t so much the magic that identified these individuals. It was knowledge.”

Wizardry is really just having new and advanced knowledge that others have not obtained yet. Or crazy high-tech blasting guns like any good space movie even if it’s in Robin’s ‘Hood. (Get it?)

And turns out, frugality really doesn’t move the plot forward so we’re going to slowly back away from that term like it’s not even there.



The worst part of the book is hopefully just my personal experience and won’t affect yours at all— I read an advanced reader’s copy in digital format. Well this book includes sections from the incepted-frugal-wizard-handbook thing including pictures and footnotes and such (as far as I can tell).

But apparently we don’t have the technology to create a digital version where you can see pictures in full or whole sentences. Everything was sliced like a loaf of bread and then stacked up like Jenga.

I’m sure those parts of the book are real fun and neat and everything, but sadly, I’ll never know right now.

I’m sure the real deal book will have all the pieces.



Overall, I enjoyed this read. Interesting concept. Good, unique characters. Fun setting. I love a good redemption story and a crazy old lady in stealth-mode. The lore of the world there was hard to grasp and since I believe in one God, the mythology of the gods didn’t do much for me and felt very watered down, but hey, it’s totally fiction and from another dimension so I'll give it a pass.



This is part of a series that Sanderson wrote during the Covid years, but they are all stand-alones.

Sanderson said on the Kickstarter page: “These books are an excellent place to start into my work, as they are each standalone novels that require very little previous knowledge of anything I've written before… you're going to get a sampling of the many different types of things I like to do.”

His many books take place in the ‘Cosmere’ shared fictional universe that he created (like the Marvel universe). I plan to read more from this series and just other Sanderson books in general. He seems like an author I’m going to like and I’m curious what else this Cosmere has to offer.


In the author’s note Sanderson described this book as “a whiteroom story, where a character wakes up with no memory and has to figure out who they are along with the reader.”

He mentions another “excellent example” of this in the book Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir, which I agree is a fantastic book and as such I am happy to market here as well.



Final Review:

The building blocks were solid, but would have preferred less Jenga. 4 stars.



[Content Advisory: 0 f-words, 1 s-word, 54 uses of ‘hell', 47 uses of the d-word; no sexual content]



**Received an ARC via NetGalley**

[I’m not sure if this influences your interest in this book or not, but Sissy Goff is, as far as I know, not related to or married to Bob Goff.]

“It’s never been more important to talk about how the trouble your child will experience can lead to resilience. We want her to learn how she can see difficulties as opportunities. And, ultimately, how God can and will use hurt in her life—even big hurt—for her good and His glory.”


This is an excellent book and resource for parents to use to help their kids cope with anxiety and worrying. I can see myself referring back to it a lot over the years as different worries manifest for my daughters. I would definitely recommend owning this one and sharing it with your parent-friends.

You can also get the workbook that goes along with this that your daughter works through. There is one for younger girls and one for teens. I got the younger one and at first glance (she hasn’t gone through it yet) looks easy for her to follow and understand. I think she will like having her ‘own’ book.

This would still work for boys but I think the root of their anxiety may come from different places. It is written specifically for girls. David Thomas works in the same counseling practice as Sissy Goff and has written the book Wild Things and Raising Emotionally Strong Boys for boys that may be a good option if you’re a parent to boys. I plan to read at least the first one of those as well.

I should disclaim first as Sissy does herself in the book— this book is NOT meant to replace therapy or counseling for kids with severe anxiety disorders. Some kids may need extra help.


I will also say that I have plans to read Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier and The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt that both talk about anxiety. I’m curious to see how those correlate (or not) with this book.

Sissy’s book is meant to provide tools and understanding for parents to handle their children’s anxiety and worries. She mentions how there is an epidemic of anxiety. When she started counseling she said maybe 1 in 20 kids came in wanting to talk about anxiety. Now it’s 16 in 20.

I believe Shrier and Haidt’s books speak to this epidemic and exploring what may be causing it. One of those reasons is the popularity and trend in being able to say you have anxiety or depression. It may be a parent’s overemphasis on their feelings and ruminating on them, trying to figure them out. I’ll learn more once I read those books.

In light of that, I think as you read Sissy’s book you should be careful not to project feelings on your daughters that they may not have. Sissy even says that just because they experience anxious thoughts or worries or sad thoughts, doesn’t mean they have anxiety or depression. Those are all normal things everyone deals with. We don’t want to make the worries bigger than they are. We want to help our kids as they struggle, but use your best judgment on whether your kids just need a few reminders or tips on calming down, they need more therapy, or they’re somewhere in between.



Raising Worry-Free Girls is broken into three parts: Understanding, Help, and Hope.

Understanding: These chapters talk about what anxiety/worry is and why she may be struggling with it (i.e. technology, peer pressure, genetics, environment, temperament, parenting styles, experiences etc.) It assures readers that this book will help create perspective for both the parent and the child which is essential for knowing how to move forward.

Help: These chapters talk about how ‘The Worry Monster,’ as she calls it, affects our children’s bodies (logic, reasoning, breathing, tummies, amygdala in the brain’s response), minds (catastrophic thinking, exaggerated thinking, underestimated ability, etc), and hearts (safety, comfort, bravery, etc). There are lots of practical tools/exercises/questions here to help her start fighting and ‘bossing back’ her Worry Monster.

Hope: These chapters look at what the Bible says about fear, worry, courage, trust, waiting, wisdom, etc. Anxiety is essentially a lack of trust. What bolsters our trust? Knowing the One who created us and this world, the One who holds it together, the One who holds us and our futures in our hands, and why that is the most comforting thing. And our ultimate hope is eternal and cannot be taken away from us. There is security in that.I like that she encourages your daughter to find her own verse that speaks to her heart and have her write it down and memorize it to bring back in troubled times.


She does talk a tiny bit about the Enneagram. I know there are mixed feelings about the Enneagram. I tend to fall on the side of not putting much stock in it or spending much time trying to understand or utilize it. I won’t get into that now, but if you’re like me, be assured, the foundation of this book is not founded on that material even though she mentions it. I didn’t feel uncomfortable with any statements she made.



I won’t re-explain all the tools she does in the book. It’s better if you read them yourself along with the real-life examples of girls she has seen in her office and how these tools helped them, but I will share a few of the things that stuck out to me.

“Much of a child’s response to trauma has to do with ours.”

“Children of anxious parents are as much as seven times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder than children who don’t have anxious parents.”

Even if your kids aren’t showing signs of anxiety now, if you are an anxious person, this book may be helpful for you to read before your own anxiety influences them! They learn how to respond to things by watching us. We need to do the work, ourselves, to manage our stress or worries and model for our kids a healthy perspective. It’s not just our emotional response or physical response but also the language we use around those things. It shapes how our kids understand and learn how to perceive their own struggles.

For that reason, I recommend this book to any parent regardless of where their child is on the anxiety spectrum.



Another way parents hinder their children’s ability to deal with anxiety is by helping them avoid the feeling.

“they rescue, they fix, they help her avoid the situations that trigger the fear. But when you rescue her, you’re communicating to her that she needs rescuing. You’re telling her the situation is a frightening one and she’s not capable of handling it.”

“If we solve our kids’ problems for them, they don’t develop the ability to problem-solve, which I believe is one of the primary deterrents of anxiety.”

Just like exposure therapy, our kids can’t learn how to handle something if they never experience it. It’s okay for them to feel fear and worry and anxious thoughts. Then we help them use their tools to navigate it. Avoidance will only make it worse and ingratiate in her the idea that she doesn’t have what it takes to overcome it.



One of the activities she suggests doing is creating a number scale (1-10) to help her identify where her feelings are on the scale— they initially feel like 10s, but using this scale helps her to see that most of her worries really aren’t that major. She leaves the scale open for our own creation, but I would have liked to see an example scale of what she would put for the numbers. I might see things bigger than I should too!



“Your pain is important, but you don’t have to make it bigger than it is just for me to hear you or to make it valid.”

I found this particularly convicting for me. I’ve been pondering how to show my kids I care without coddling them. I want to create in them perseverance and resilience. I’ve heard them say ‘You don’t care about me!’ because of my ‘builds character’ parenting style when it comes to hurts, especially ones that happen after adamant disobedience.

But there has to be a balance. This quote reminds me that if I remove too much of my attention from her, she may escalate her ‘pain’ to get my attention back or exaggerate her feelings or experiences to make it ‘worth my time.’ I don’t want to do that to her. I need to acknowledge and listen to her pain— not indulge it— but still let her know I will always listen to her so nothing gets blown up.



“Anxiety always involves an overestimation of the problem and an underestimation of herself.”

“The Brave Theory is where we want her to land— and it says she’s capable and strong and that God has already given her all that she needs. She can do the scary thing… We want her to use her smart brain against her worry brain and boss it back.”

This is really what it all boils down to. Giving her the tools and language she needs to identify what’s going on in her body, mind, and heart, and helping her stand up to the voice of lies and find her confidence in the Lord to do the hard things.



“The girls I see who live with anxiety are some of the most hard-working, caring, intentional, kind, and brilliant girls I know. Things matter to them. Everything matters to them which can make life hard. And it can make it hard to know when or how to turn that kind of care off.”

This is a good reminder to me as I deal with one of my daughters in particular. It gives me language and encouragement to use with her— that she struggles because she cares and caring isn’t wrong. But helping her not be trapped in looping thoughts of perfectionism and getting everything ‘right’ but giving her freedom to not be perfect. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation that will only cause more worry and disappointment.



Recommendation

I would definitely recommend this book to everyone! Really, I think even people who aren’t parents would still benefit from some of the tools she talks about. But in particular, this is a great resource for parents and gives direction to help them help their kids.

I love how Sissy combines both the psychology behind anxiety but also biblical principles. You can only do so much ‘symptom-treating’ without also having a hope and trust in something bigger than ourselves. Real security is found in Christ so that component is essential in any discussion about anxiety and worrying.

‘Do not fear’ is used enough times in the Bible to recognize that the cure for that is Jesus.

I’ll leave with one more quote which assures any parent— it’s not too late:

“There is always hope. It’s a journey. And not only are you and she still on it, but God is still going before you in it.”