other than The Year of Magical Thinking, i have yet to read any Didion before this but i really wanted to read one of her novels. this was bleak and sad and terrifying. most times, i felt sick reading it. i felt so terribly for Maria our main character and her clear struggle with mental health while living in a culture and specifically a sub-culture that did not care about that. no one was reliable, helpful, kind, reassuring, life-affirming, or anything positive. it was really bleak and i was constantly scared to turn the pages. i appreciate what Didion was saying with this book and her writing, but it overall just made me feel depressed due to its lack of hopefulness. nihilism is simply not for me.