This is the rare “3 stars because I simply do not know how I feel” rating. I honestly liked the writing even though it felt like half the book was more listing things, but it did it in a way that I found interesting, almost soothing in its repetition. But I felt like it was also disjointed, even if the overall subject was connected. The first two chapters are from a first person plural POV and concerns the titular swimmers/pool. The first chapter is a list of the people there, how they feel about swimming, the pool, the rules of the pool, why they swim, what they do there, the different types of lanes and people in those lanes etc. I was taken by it, like seeing into a world not my own. The second sees those swimmers confront a crack in the bottom of the pool and the way it shakes them, physically and emotionally, until the closure of the pool. Throughout both chapters there are quick mentions of a woman named Alice. Alice is old and clearly forgetting things.

The next three chapters concern Alice and her dementia (we do not go back to the pool or the swimmers). The third chapter is told from the second person singular POV of Alice’s daughter. It is a list of what she remembers, and what she doesn’t remember anymore, which slowly also paints a portrait of her life. The fourth chapter is from the POV of the care facility where Alice is sent addressing its patients (almost like an advertisement for it). It describes the rules of the establishment, the care they will receive, how they will feel about it, who will and will not visit, the care they might expect depending on their financial status, the changes they might expect as their incurable illness progresses and eventually kills them. In the last chapter, we go back to Alice’s daughter’s POV, how she feels about her mother’s condition, how her father is adapting to her mother’s absence, how her eventual death impacts them, but most of all how having someone you love lose their memory impacts them. The guilt. The shame. The love.

Honestly, I cried at the end. I was both scared for my parents, for myself, for our collective lack of money. I am the daughter who lives overseas. I don’t know what I can or will do if this situation happens. The guilt is immense at times. It made me feel pretty shitty and afraid.

It felt disjointed, like 5 chapters written at different times put together and called a novel. I wish the swimming and pool part had been longer, more of a focus. The change in style and POV also contributed to the disjointed feeling even though I also appreciated the writing in each individual chapters. And I cannot lie that it moved me, even if it wasn’t all that positive. Not all books are gonna be feel good stories, or are meant to entertain and I accept that and don’t mind that. But I just don’t really know how to feel about and rate this one. It’s a short read and despite my mixed emotions, I don’t regret giving it a go.

Now I do need something silly to read though.