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A review by bellatora
The Taker by Alma Katsu
1.0
I was excited when I heard about this book. I think fictional immortality is a fascinating topic and I haven't read a non-vampiric immortality tale since [b:Forever|148465|Forever|Pete Hamill|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1442120422l/148465._SY75_.jpg|1038124].
But this book was so, so, so very bad. Everybody in this book lacks basic common sense and basic humanity. It is just…there are almost no words. It is as if a really bad romance book hooked up with some Saw torture-porn and had a baby that then mated with a really lame thriller. It is bad in SO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS ALL AT ONCE.
Okay, so the premise which I wanted to like: while on duty at a small town hospital, a doctor has to tend to a strange girl covered in blood hauled in by the police for a murder she admits to committing. The doctor is just supposed to make sure she’s whole enough to be taken to jail. So he starts to patch her up and then she pulls the whole, “the guy I killed totally wanted me to, and by the way we are both immortals.” The doctor is all, “yeah, whatever crazy murderer lady.” And the girl is like, “No, seriously. Watch this.” *stab*. BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY TO PROVE IMMORTALITY IS TO STAB YOURSELF. I know this is how it happened in Highlander, but, seriously, there has to be another way, right? The girl (Lanny) ends up doing this every time she wants to show someone she’s immortal. In fact, she does it to show another guy that he is immortal now, too. I think it would’ve been more effective to shoot him (the new immortal, not the doc). But whatever. Stab yourself whenever, Lanny, I hate you so much.
I really, really hated Lanny. She was dumb. INCREDIBLY DUMB. And reacted like no regular human being would to anything. I can maybe swing her insane crush on Jonathan. She’s a small town girl with a small town life, and there were probably, like, two dozen possible mates in her area. And Jonathan is apparently insanely pretty. But he is also a class-A jerkass. He begins his friendship with Lanny by…forcing his tongue down her throat and putting her hand on his crotch. She is twelve. Lovely opening salvo there, Johnny-boy. Lanny is so smitten with this she spends her adolescence pining for him and hoping he will one day have a roll in the hay with her, and is deeply disappointed when their relationship immediately becomes platonic. That happened because characters in this book have the memories of alcoholic goldfish and the whole first-meeting molestation is never mentioned again and Lanny acts like Jonathan has never touched her and that they are besties because they get along so well. It is weird and creepy.
Jonathan, little fucker that he is, goes around banging every female between puberty and senility in the village. He manages to impregnate one, abandons her, and drives her to suicide. He feels a little bad about this. But not really. Lanny is not deterred by this and is maybe not a little turned on because then Jonathan finally bangs her and she is deliriously happy. Lanny, of course, also gets pregnant (damn, half the next generation of that village will be fathered by Jonathan, won’t it?). She is packed off to Boston where she finally gets her immortality. How? By being kidnapped by a group of immortal psychos. After being raped so badly that something rips the Head Psycho Immortal decides he likes her and grants her immortality.
She and the reader are then subjected to his stupid back story which is: he was also raped and tortured by his creator! Is this supposed to be a message on the cycle of abuse? Anyway, this part was completely unnecessary and could’ve been solved by a paragraph of playing exposition fairy. Like most of this book, it was random and weird and gross but at the same time incredibly boring.
Anyway, Lanny gets instant Stockholm Syndrome. It was horrible. So, she is living in a house with a bunch of sadistic rapists. She was brought into the house with the whole purpose of being repeatedly, brutally raped and then shoved out the door with a few coins. Her reaction to Head Psycho Immortal? He’s so pretty. Apparently, if the man is attractive enough he can do anything to you and it’s okay. Later in the book, Head Psycho Immortal tortures and rapes her worse than anything she’s been subjected to before as a punishment for some wrong. He then takes her to bed where she is a “distracted, absent partner” not because she is horrified by what he has just done to her, but because she is thinking about Jonathan. When she wakes up in the morning, she “drank in the sight of Adair [Head Psycho Immortal], his head on the pillow” and then goes on to lovingly describe how handsome he looks sleeping. THIS IS SO WRONG. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW WRONG THIS IS. I would say that Katsu is trying to show someone with Battered Wife Syndrome, except for the fact that Head Psycho Immortal is continuously treated like he is a potential romantic interest, both by Lanny and others. Doctor from the present-day timeline actually says, “What about Adair? From what you’ve said, it seems that he could have been in love with you…?” NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Was he actually listening to the words coming out of Lanny’s mouth?!?!? The guy continuously tortures and rapes her, brings other girls and women into the house to do the same to, and constantly reminds Lanny she can never leave and that he can kill her anytime he wants. This is not love. This is not even kind of love. This makes creepy stalker YA paranormal love interests look like paragons of virtue and restraint. This is the worst thing ever.
So the historical storyline is horrid. Everyone is unforgivably horrid, and Lanny’s hero worship of Jonathan (undeserved) and Stockholm Syndrome affection for Adair (creepy) is painful. Lanny is incapable of doing anything for herself. Everything she does is for Jonathan. She doesn’t even consider running away until Jonathan is potentially in danger. The entire point of her wanting to keep her baby was that it was Jonathan’s (and not because she actually wanted children or she didn't want to give up a baby, but because it was a part of Jonathan. That would've been a healthy mother-child relationship). I wanted to strangle the girl myself. I think she is in the running for one of the most unlikeable heroines of the year. Every single one of her actions was based on what Jonathan will think of it. Give someone a blowjob in exchange for information? It’s okay, because “Jonathan would forgive me, I was sure, and in any case, Jonathan would never know.” This insane dependence of self-worth on a man’s opinion would be tolerable if Lanny ever matured or grew as a character. She doesn’t. In the modern storyline, she is the exact same person.
And the modern day storyline is just as bad. Because apparently Lanny is the stupidest person to have ever lived for 200 years. She has learned NOTHING. Upon being found with a dead body by the police: admits to doing it. Doesn’t even try to pretend it was self-defense. Upon being rescued by a man (the doctor): lets him do everything. Is incapable of being discrete. Upon just killing the supposed love of her life: jumps the doctor's bones the first night after meeting.
And the historical part is apparently being told as a story by Lanny to the doctor. Except for the fact that the doctor never has any reaction to what Lanny is saying, it’s unclear when in the modern timeline she’s telling it (driving? at nights in the hotel? whenever there is a lull in the conversation?), it just cuts back and forth, and Lanny spills everything. Why? Who actually is like, “I’m going to tell you my entire life story right now. Please don’t interrupt or ask for clarification or anything. Let me monologue my background.”
I don’t know if there’s anything redeeming about this book. The characters are dumber than crap and unlikeable. The plot is one long string of obsession with Jonathan and dark deeds by Head Psycho Immortal. The romance is not even there. THERE IS NO ROMANCE. None. None whatsoever. It actually is the opposite of romantic, because if the males presented are the only options out there, I would never get with a guy again.
But this book was so, so, so very bad. Everybody in this book lacks basic common sense and basic humanity. It is just…there are almost no words. It is as if a really bad romance book hooked up with some Saw torture-porn and had a baby that then mated with a really lame thriller. It is bad in SO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS ALL AT ONCE.
Okay, so the premise which I wanted to like: while on duty at a small town hospital, a doctor has to tend to a strange girl covered in blood hauled in by the police for a murder she admits to committing. The doctor is just supposed to make sure she’s whole enough to be taken to jail. So he starts to patch her up and then she pulls the whole, “the guy I killed totally wanted me to, and by the way we are both immortals.” The doctor is all, “yeah, whatever crazy murderer lady.” And the girl is like, “No, seriously. Watch this.” *stab*. BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY TO PROVE IMMORTALITY IS TO STAB YOURSELF. I know this is how it happened in Highlander, but, seriously, there has to be another way, right? The girl (Lanny) ends up doing this every time she wants to show someone she’s immortal. In fact, she does it to show another guy that he is immortal now, too. I think it would’ve been more effective to shoot him (the new immortal, not the doc). But whatever. Stab yourself whenever, Lanny, I hate you so much.
I really, really hated Lanny. She was dumb. INCREDIBLY DUMB. And reacted like no regular human being would to anything. I can maybe swing her insane crush on Jonathan. She’s a small town girl with a small town life, and there were probably, like, two dozen possible mates in her area. And Jonathan is apparently insanely pretty. But he is also a class-A jerkass. He begins his friendship with Lanny by…forcing his tongue down her throat and putting her hand on his crotch. She is twelve. Lovely opening salvo there, Johnny-boy. Lanny is so smitten with this she spends her adolescence pining for him and hoping he will one day have a roll in the hay with her, and is deeply disappointed when their relationship immediately becomes platonic. That happened because characters in this book have the memories of alcoholic goldfish and the whole first-meeting molestation is never mentioned again and Lanny acts like Jonathan has never touched her and that they are besties because they get along so well. It is weird and creepy.
Jonathan, little fucker that he is, goes around banging every female between puberty and senility in the village. He manages to impregnate one, abandons her, and drives her to suicide. He feels a little bad about this. But not really. Lanny is not deterred by this and is maybe not a little turned on because then Jonathan finally bangs her and she is deliriously happy. Lanny, of course, also gets pregnant (damn, half the next generation of that village will be fathered by Jonathan, won’t it?). She is packed off to Boston where she finally gets her immortality. How? By being kidnapped by a group of immortal psychos. After being raped so badly that something rips the Head Psycho Immortal decides he likes her and grants her immortality.
She and the reader are then subjected to his stupid back story which is: he was also raped and tortured by his creator! Is this supposed to be a message on the cycle of abuse? Anyway, this part was completely unnecessary and could’ve been solved by a paragraph of playing exposition fairy. Like most of this book, it was random and weird and gross but at the same time incredibly boring.
Anyway, Lanny gets instant Stockholm Syndrome. It was horrible. So, she is living in a house with a bunch of sadistic rapists. She was brought into the house with the whole purpose of being repeatedly, brutally raped and then shoved out the door with a few coins. Her reaction to Head Psycho Immortal? He’s so pretty. Apparently, if the man is attractive enough he can do anything to you and it’s okay. Later in the book, Head Psycho Immortal tortures and rapes her worse than anything she’s been subjected to before as a punishment for some wrong. He then takes her to bed where she is a “distracted, absent partner” not because she is horrified by what he has just done to her, but because she is thinking about Jonathan. When she wakes up in the morning, she “drank in the sight of Adair [Head Psycho Immortal], his head on the pillow” and then goes on to lovingly describe how handsome he looks sleeping. THIS IS SO WRONG. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW WRONG THIS IS. I would say that Katsu is trying to show someone with Battered Wife Syndrome, except for the fact that Head Psycho Immortal is continuously treated like he is a potential romantic interest, both by Lanny and others. Doctor from the present-day timeline actually says, “What about Adair? From what you’ve said, it seems that he could have been in love with you…?” NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Was he actually listening to the words coming out of Lanny’s mouth?!?!? The guy continuously tortures and rapes her, brings other girls and women into the house to do the same to, and constantly reminds Lanny she can never leave and that he can kill her anytime he wants. This is not love. This is not even kind of love. This makes creepy stalker YA paranormal love interests look like paragons of virtue and restraint. This is the worst thing ever.
So the historical storyline is horrid. Everyone is unforgivably horrid, and Lanny’s hero worship of Jonathan (undeserved) and Stockholm Syndrome affection for Adair (creepy) is painful. Lanny is incapable of doing anything for herself. Everything she does is for Jonathan. She doesn’t even consider running away until Jonathan is potentially in danger. The entire point of her wanting to keep her baby was that it was Jonathan’s (and not because she actually wanted children or she didn't want to give up a baby, but because it was a part of Jonathan. That would've been a healthy mother-child relationship). I wanted to strangle the girl myself. I think she is in the running for one of the most unlikeable heroines of the year. Every single one of her actions was based on what Jonathan will think of it. Give someone a blowjob in exchange for information? It’s okay, because “Jonathan would forgive me, I was sure, and in any case, Jonathan would never know.” This insane dependence of self-worth on a man’s opinion would be tolerable if Lanny ever matured or grew as a character. She doesn’t. In the modern storyline, she is the exact same person.
And the modern day storyline is just as bad. Because apparently Lanny is the stupidest person to have ever lived for 200 years. She has learned NOTHING. Upon being found with a dead body by the police: admits to doing it. Doesn’t even try to pretend it was self-defense. Upon being rescued by a man (the doctor): lets him do everything. Is incapable of being discrete. Upon just killing the supposed love of her life: jumps the doctor's bones the first night after meeting.
And the historical part is apparently being told as a story by Lanny to the doctor. Except for the fact that the doctor never has any reaction to what Lanny is saying, it’s unclear when in the modern timeline she’s telling it (driving? at nights in the hotel? whenever there is a lull in the conversation?), it just cuts back and forth, and Lanny spills everything. Why? Who actually is like, “I’m going to tell you my entire life story right now. Please don’t interrupt or ask for clarification or anything. Let me monologue my background.”
I don’t know if there’s anything redeeming about this book. The characters are dumber than crap and unlikeable. The plot is one long string of obsession with Jonathan and dark deeds by Head Psycho Immortal. The romance is not even there. THERE IS NO ROMANCE. None. None whatsoever. It actually is the opposite of romantic, because if the males presented are the only options out there, I would never get with a guy again.