I took an accidental nearly-month-long break from reading because wow, I just, did... not... want... to expend the effort to do anything besides remain alive at a baseline level. So, when I was handed this book, I thought, Uh oh. This is going to be one of those times when I awkwardly hold onto a borrowed book for 3 weeks before returning it, isn't it?

Nope.

Here I am, one day later. That's what we call a recommendation, folks.

For the first page I was like ugh... what? as obligatory unknown Imperials and technobabble swam in front of my hollow and depression-clouded gaze. By page 2, though, I had realized that --
far from having to slog through a mire of nameless, faceless, worthless junk a la Aftermath -- I was, in fact, watching the pilot episode of a rebooted classic show called "People Wildly Underestimate Thrawn And Then DIE." I read the entire rest of the book with laser-like interest sharpened by pure glee.

I love the "People Wildly Underestimate Thrawn And Then DIE" show. Honestly, even just writing this review has got me feeling like I'm on a sugar high.

TIME FOR A LIST. Everything from here on down is a spoiler.

The Bad:

• SIKE THERE IS NOTHING BAD

• All right, there is one thing that would have taken this from level "great book" up to level "great book that I will create transformative works for and think about for 3 months straight because I'm so into it." That thing is... relationships.

I know -- you don't have to tell me that Space Sherlock Holmes doesn't just go around having relationships willy nilly like your average Imperial yokel on the street. But as much as I do enjoy plot full of masterfully manipulated intrigue after masterfully manipulated intrigue, I'm gonna need Thrawn to care about somebody, somewhere, somehow, before I can make him a centerpoint of my creative energy.

Again, I know -- he's friends with Space Watson! What I could have used was a little bit more of him and Vanto. Enough to get me invested in them, and not just the plot.

Now let's move on to the fun part.

The Good:

The main and all-encompassing good thing about this book is, of course, Thrawn doing his thing, and doing it masterfully. I do not think anyone truly, fully comprehends how much of a thing I have for People Doing Things Perfectly. Thrawn, therefore, is a gift straight from Timothy Zahn to me. Is he a Mary Sue? The answer to that is: I DON'T CARE (I LOVE IT) by Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX.

He did do one thing wrong in the book, I guess. (Half of one thing?) Regardless, all of his weaknesses/failures are:

1. Not really a weakness/failure. Ha ha! You only thought it was because he TRICKED YOU into thinking it was, which is actually even more proof of his perfection and strength. (i.e. his exile, getting mugged at the academy)

2. Only a weakness/failure if you're a crazy, amoral Imperial who has completely lost touch with what regular people consider to be bad. (i.e. being "bad at politics," rescuing the prisoners instead of the tibanna gas)

This is all sweet, sweet nectar to my weak and greedy little heart. I cannot tell you how much I love living vicariously through flawless fictional characters and thereby ignoring my own flaws.

I saw some people complaining that the Nightswan arc was weak and that he wasn't a compelling enough antagonist for Thrawn. That's true, but only if you make the mistake of thinking the thrust of the story was supposed to be "Thrawn vs. Nightswan." It was not. The thrust of the story was "Thrawn Is Great." Nightswan was an accessory.

Like... Sherlock Holmes didn't start his career and immediately meet Moriarty right out of the gate. He breezed through half the crime in Britain before he met his one true nemesis. This whole book takes place before Thrawn ever appears in Rebels, so I think we're still in the pre-Moriarty stage of Thrawn's life, before he meets his Real Challenge and Comeuppance. Maybe he'll meet his Moriarty in the fourth and final season of Rebels, or maybe he'll survive as long as he did in Legends and get to face off against Luke Skywalker. Whenever it's going to happen, though, it's certainly not going to be before he even reaches the rank of Grand Admiral. Calm down.

Some quotes from the man himself:

"Takes a pretty confident person to think he can beat modern turbolasers with blaster cannons, though."

Thrawn shrugged. "I could."

"To be more precise, I offered what looked like opportunities to injure me. They were, of course, illusory."

"Though I'd like to point out that I did save your life during the Dromedar hijacking."

"Thank you," Thrawn said. "Allow me to point out in turn that, had you not, I had a second droid already moored to the hull."

Honestly, Eli Vanto puts up with... so much.

And while we're on the subject: Eli Vanto. What a guy. I thought I was going to miss Pellaeon, but I didn't. Vanto is my BOY. I loved the interactions he had with Thrawn acting as his translator. His constant insecurity because he's from the Outer Rim got kind of stifling occasionally, but even so I really enjoyed the Core-Outer Rim-Wild Space cultural details. Of course there would be languages spoken way out in the middle of nowhere that not even translator droid software would support. What a great premise.

I was also living and dying with him as Thrawn shoots up the ranks like Cthulhu rising from the sea or something, and he continues to be viewed as nothing but Thrawn's valet. When he finally got promoted -- the sweet vindication! I really enjoyed how Thrawn is straight up instructing him as a future commander and yet Vanto doesn't even notice.

And then he gives him his journal and sends him to the Chiss Ascendancy. First of all: of course Thrawn keeps a journal. Second of all: I'm screaming. What? IS THIS GOING TO COME UP LATER. WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO AT THE ASCENDANCY? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. Anyway, that's. An exciting. Development. I hope we hear some more about that like right now, please.

Also, it ended right when Thrawn meets Vader? There's going to be some more about that too, right? Will an almost complete replacement of his physical self successfully hide the presence of Anakin Skywalker from his previous acquaintance, Space Sherlock Holmes? Inquiring minds want to know.

You'll notice I left out almost everything about Governor Pryce. Yeah, you know, I just honestly didn't care all that much. She was fine! I just figured out that I read the entire book picturing Minister Tua instead of Pryce, when in fact she's not... that person... Nice going, me. Looks like I have some more Rebels to watch. Other than that... yeah? Not really much to say.

In conclusion, some highlights on the HE DID THAT list:

• Purposefully gets captured by unknown empire intending to spy on them. Instead, accidentally gets promoted to lead position in empire's army. Whoops.

• Discovers spice vein is the source of tribal dispute. Shoots spice vein from space with giant cannons.

• Deducts the existence of the Death Star project 2-5 years BBY because of irregularities in certain metal markets, which he tracks for his hobby.

• Allows random academy boys to mug him. Promotes random academy boys to pilot training.

• Straight up tells Yularen "you're smart but idk if you're a good leader, honestly."

• Gets difficult battle assignment taken from him. Ignores & delegates easier assignment, takes civilian ship to the difficult battle. Sits overhead incognito and watches his rival's failure, while orchestrating the next battle & sipping tea with his good buddy Vanto.

• Waltzes up to the Emperor, says, "Tell me about the Death Star," when he's not supposed to know about the Death Star. Survives.

5/4/2018 Edit: Why did I re-read this compilation of glorious tomfoolery when I have twenty-seven other books on my to-read list? I couldn't help it; it was a compulsion. I gleefully enjoyed every minute of it. Thrawn is the Worst™ and Eli Vanto is my pure, idealistic son whom I love.