Nothing makes me feel older than seeing the internet reaction to A Little Life shift from it being discussed as a masterpiece to being almost cancelled for its portrayal of its main character. After my Mum insisted that I read this, I decided to finally take the plunge, in case January wasn't depressing enough.

For anyone who somehow hasn't come across this novel, A Little Life in theory follows a group of four men from their time at college together through their adulthood. However as the novel progresses we zero in on Jude, who is source of mystery to his friends and whose traumatic past and present becomes the focal point of the novel.

I came away from A Little Life feeling confused. It is indisputable that Yanagihara is exceptionally talented at characterisation. The central friendship group in particular - Willem, JB and Malcolm feel incredibly real, as does the slightly rareified art scene they all exist in do. I also really liked Harold and Julia, and how they form a chosen family relationship with Jude. The detail and complexity that Yanighara built into the interactions of all the characters felt both raw and true.

However. And it is a big however. I found the exploration of Jude's trauma and his experience to be unremittingly dark. Whilst I don't buy the complaint that it is unrealistic - as unfortunately cycles of abuse are true and exist - I will say it felt overly heightened. I felt that Yanighara dwelled on descriptions that did not need to have that much time spent on them. Others have said this and I agree that the complete dearth of hope and optimism in this novel made it hard to read - and noting that Yanighara has since said that she actively wanted to write a protaganist that never gets better left me wondering what readers are supposed to take from this other than exhaustion. When the final removal of hope happened in this novel I came close to slamming it down.

I also found Jude a hard protagonist to invest in. He has access to an insane amount of resources, is apparently the most gifted man to walk the planet (can bake and sing exceptionally, in addition to being an exceptional and morally bad lawyer) and exceptionally attractive but seemingly won't take responsibility for trying to address his trauma until it is frankly too late. The novel standing by him, whilst treating others who had also felt loss (such as death of family members, addiction etc) as needing to just get it together felt confusing tonally to me.

I can totally understand why A Little Life caused such as stir when it was first released, but I hope for books in the future that can tackle both the light and the dark that make up human lives.