I’m not Christian anymore, in fact a lot of times I think I want to be Jewish, but for a long time I believed soulmates existed. At 11 I realized (had to be told) I was gay and went through the torment of thinking why would god damn me to hell when I haven't even lived a life yet? Why would god curse me? I figured God wouldn’t've cursed me, maybe it was humans who were wrong. God made me gay and made me a soulmate and theres someone out there who's like me in more ways than other people and their soulmates are alike. So until I was, mm, 21 I was thinking surely I’ll meet that person someday and I’ll just get it, everything will click, life is complete because this is the person God sent for me.

Well, it was a Jewish woman on tiktok, the girl who wanted to nuke the moon, who said “Soulmates are stupid. i love you on purpose.” Fuck! Blew up my belief!

And I think this book reinforces both ideas for me. I’m so sad, I’m like God, send me mine please, send me the person who is my soulmate and I will love them on purpose, even if we are complete opposites and all we do is argue and get into mischief. And then I’m like oh I’m so happy. They chose each other every time, against the odds, literally, cosmically and internally. It’s so beautiful. I'm so sad and so happy.

It's been a long time since I read a book, finished the last page and had to fight myself from rereading it. I may reread it later in the year. Or every January! It’s so beautiful!