I liked the premise of the book and the way the author, Erika Krouse, interwove her history of child sexual abuse with the contemporary sexual assaults by the Univ of Colorado football team, told through the lens of researching a legal case. It’s part memoir, part expose of a university coverup at the highest levels. By including her own story within the legal case, Krouse turns a fascinating story of rape and deception into one of personal struggle and redemption. 

There’s no truly happy ending - there were no criminal charges ever filed, the university faculty and staff got off scot-free, and not everyone who was assaulted received part of the settlement. But within the convoluted justice system in the US, a form of justice was achieved. 

My only quibble was that all the names were changed even though the case, settled in 2007, is a matter of public record. However, I read an interview with Krouse in JNews where she explains more fully how she was doing all she could to protect the women by not tying them to assailants who might further retaliate. It was the best she could do under the circumstances. 

Wow - might be in my top 10 of the year. Part memoir, part true crime, Krouse shares her story of how she went from working hourly odd jobs to being a private investigator for one of the most high profile university assault cases in the early 2000’s. For her whole life Krouse had people quickly confide in her, both strangers and friends alike. She uses this unassuming gift to seek justice for multiple sexual assault victims from a college football team in Colorado. While she builds relationships with the victims, learns more about how tedious the judicial system can be, Krouse is also dealing with her own past of assault… something she isn’t able to compartmentalize for very long. 
The book flies by. Not knowing anything about this case prior, I quickly got sucked in trying to put the pieces together along with Krouse. You can tell she has a past in writing…you are captivated as you learn just how deep the rabbit hole goes when it comes to the football teams’ culture of greed and dominance, wanting so badly for justice to prevail. Krouse is also quite vulnerable she navigates being a sexual assault survivor herself; I wasn’t expecting this aspect to the book as much but it brings a depth that you can’t manufacture with a solitary true crime novel. 

I highly recommend this book but with a huge caveat for sexual assault and domestic violence. The audiobook narrated by @gabracadabranyc was outstanding, one of the best I have listened to all year. 

 Erika Krouse has held a lot of positions and is a temping regular but never thought about being a private investigator until she meets Grayson, a lawyer who spilled his soul to her for no reason other than she had that kind of face. Her job with Grayson would require her to speak to victims and witnesses of an alleged rape at a college party. She was to bring Grayson the alleged victim as well as leads that would help make this civil case, as the DA refused to hold a criminal trial, stick to show that the college and his employees were to be held responsible for the rape culture around the campus. 

 

The author also uses this memoir as a change to attempt to heal from her own childhood sexual abuse and the lack of love and compassion from her mother. She details how in her mother's eyes she is the evil child while her older sister is the Good One and her brother is the Invisible One. Despite being told of the abuse by her mother's partner, X, Erika is held responsible in her mother's eyes and she is treated as less than because of it. 

 

The book was more a memoir than a true crime novel but I enjoyed following along with the case and seeing how quickly Erika picked up on the legal mumbo jumbo being thrown at her and did her best for the victims who came forward for the case. The author did a wonderful job of expressing how she felt in comparison to what the alleged victims are feeling. It was a good quick read.