Beautifully written and utterly heart wrenching. 

As a queer person I was so affected by this story, as it not only portrays how difficult it is to come to terms with the reality of one’s true depths and desires, but also how much harder that was to do only half a century ago. Gay men have always had it particularly tough; the way western society defines masculinity is rigid and ruthless — it treats homosexuality as a threat, as if loving another man somehow makes you less of one. 

Things have certainly been changing, but not so drastically that I didn’t immediately understand David’s fears. David deals with these fears in what I would consider a cowardly way, and he bitterly harms those around him through his inability to choose whether conventional ideals of “morality” matter more to him than what he knows to be true in his heart. But in his shoes, would I not do the same? It’s easy now, speaking from the 21st century, to say that of course I’d follow my queer little heart. Back then, before even the gay liberation movement, that kind of countercultural stance would have been quite difficult to maintain. Many did, to be sure, but I’m sure many did not dare. 

Giovanni’s final speech to David broke my heart too. David thought he’d been keeping his lack of engagement secret, but a lover always knows. And Giovanni was right that he did deserve a better life. I wish we’d gotten to know more of him rather than only seeing him as David did, that is to say, as more of a representation of all that he feared and craved rather than as a separate and fulsome person. Obviously that isn’t possible with the framing of the novel, but a gal can dream.

Anyway, back to the book. I’ll definitely be thinking on it for quite a while, and I wouldn’t be surprised to return some day for a reread. For now, I think I’ll be sad and then go hug my partner and be grateful that I am not in the same position as David (or Giovanni!). 

Although this book is, in many respects, about the tragic relationship between the narrator, David, and Giovanni, I think it’s more about the anguish within David as he tries to navigate who he truly is without bearing the burden of making decisions. I know I have been in the situation of not wanting to hurt someone but doing so anyway through my apathy and unwillingness to take decisive action - of allowing life to happen to me because I didn’t really know what I wanted.

I don’t really see this as a love story either - Giovanni is manipulative and David is in no place within himself to be able to love anyone. I think the relationship is more of an awakening for David - his realisation that he is gay and he cannot keep running from it. He’s driven by guilt in all things and that guilt is a reflection of the time in history and the realities of being homosexual in a world that tells you it’s wrong.

i was afraid that i was gonna go into this with too high of expectations but goddamn i was so emotional—not necessarily crying but i was just SO emotionally invested in these characters. this story isn't even 200 pages and it is filled to the brim with beautiful prose (some of which I don't think I'm smart enough to understand but still enjoyed lol). Each character was so flawed but you still felt for them. I took a bit of adjusting in order to settle into Baldwin's writing style but when it came full circle at the end i just wanted to reread it again because i was like, oh OH OH THIS IS HAPPENING NOW AHHHHH.

i think this might be one of my favorite books of all time. i love how it's not stretched for 100 more pages of fluff. i loved the american expat feeling that i've felt before and am anxious to encounter again in my near future moving overseas. i can't believe this was written in the 1950s (i believe) and it's still like a good indie film that could be released today. i loveddddddddd this, THE DIALOGUE IS THE HEART OF THIS BOOK GOD i was just GLUED to the page with the back and forth. ugh so good.